Hmmmm?

Since last time, I have kept applying for jobs and have been hanging out with Claire, Richard, Dana, and Julia. I feel like I can complain a whole bunch, but let me step back and really evaluate my life: I live at home with crazy yet wonderful parents who provide for me in every way possible. They allow me many freedoms at home, let me borrow the car, loan me money, don’t make me pay for hardly anything, and they go to work and church a good percentage of the time giving me plenty of alone time. Living at home could be much worse. As for having no job, well that does indeed suck. I don’t have much work experience outside of my jobs at Baylor and Kaufman ISD, but I do have a wonderful education, a variety of skills and talents, and an overload of potential. Patience has never been one of my stronger virtues, so I think this is definitely a trial of patience. I like to be busy and useful; therefore, not working and mooching/freeloading off Mom and Dad tend to slowly eat away at my soul. I really just want to be useful to someone. I need to feel like a valuable asset to somebody or something. I need to feel like I wake up with purpose and a goal to strive for. So, I find myself at a difficult crossroad: should I move to Florida? I mentioned it to Robin a few months ago and my parents understand why I’m thinking of making this move. Unemployment is a bit stressful, and no one in Dallas has really welcomed me with open arms. Maybe my prospects in Miami would be better? Perhaps I would find more opportunities there and transportation won’t be such a pain.

Miami pros: Robin lives in the nicer part of town where there is plenty of business and public transportation. I would have access to her car just about every day if I didn’t use public transportation. I could work in retail, service industry, or public relations. Robin and Doug have a lot of network connections. I would still be living rent/bill free. Robin has a pool and hot-tube in the backyard. Miami is beautiful. She has cool friends to hang out with. I have a few friends that I could get to know better.

The cons: I leave my parents and my closest/best friends. I leave Dallas, a city that I have fallen hard for. I leave Texas. I won’t be close to Baylor to just spontaneously go for a football game or homecoming or to have dinner with good friends.

I know that my pros list is longer than my cons list, but those fewer cons outweigh so many of those pros. I really love every aspect of my life here except for the jobless part, but having a job is supremely important to me. I have no money of my own and nothing important to do once I wake up in the morning. I miss responsibilities, co-worker banter, coming home tired, learning on the job, getting assigned projects, and accomplishing goals. I feel like I have no goals or direction… and that’s terrifying!

Time is ticking. What to do? Do I take a chance and move to Miami? Do I hold on a bit longer in hopes of something great happening here? But then will I be left “waiting for Godot”? Where is my future heading? I feel like it’s coming towards me but I’m not going towards it. I’m missing my future, and I desperately hope I don’t lose it all together.