Humorous

Dear God,

This is Elizabeth. I know you remember me. I tend to pester you from time to time. I know you love me… but I realize that you also love to laugh. So by putting two and two together, I’ve discovered that you love to laugh at me. Whenever you’re ready to stop laughing, let me know.

Love,
Elizabeth

Phew. So, talk about a fun day last week. Being vehicular-challenged can be quit annoying, but I tend to get by. Last Thursday I saw an ad in the paper for a job fair at Cedar Valley Community College. Not only was there a job fair, but I had also recently applied for an administrative position there. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to hand my resume out at the job fair and take another copy directly to the Human Resources department and charm them face-to-face. The job fair was to take place from 9 AM to 1 PM. For those wondering how I planned on getting there, I had the perfect solution: my bike. Now I know I pretty cool, pedaling over on my purple and silver 10speed bike to a job fair, but it had to be worth a shot. The college is maybe 4 miles away which is not bad on a bike at all. It would be good exercise and fun. I was prepared to pack a change of clothes as to not get my professional looking attire sweaty, or if it started raining I could change into a dry blouse and trousers. Well, that morning I woke up, showered, and started to get ready. My Dad called and told me about the dangers of biking there and to be careful and blah, blah, blah. Then he said, “Make sure there’s air in the tires, too.” Oh crap! I hadn’t thought of that. Needless to say, every tire on every bike was flat! LAME! I hunted around for a pump and it was nowhere to be found. So, I talked to Dad again. This time he suggested calling a cab. I’m close enough to the college where it’d be cheap. Brilliant! I won’t have to worry about changing or being smelly or possibly getting caught in the rain. But then after hanging up with him for the second time, I realized I had $2.77 in my wallet. I’m pretty sure that meant no cab either. I called the college to find out what businesses were there at the fair… no answer… ever… the entire morning. Well maybe I didn’t miss anything great. Perhaps the only businesses there were GiGi’s night club, Waffle House, and the bowling alley. Perhaps the companies there wouldn’t have been worth my time anyway, right? Ugh.

So, I went back to my usual morning routine of online searches and looking through the Dallas Morning News. Can I just say that I will never respond to any ad that starts with “AWESOME JOB” and ends with “if you’re ready for fun call Randy.” Well, I called Randy and I really wished I could have recorded that phone call. He wanted me to sell magazines, traveling with him from “coast to coast.” He never told me what magazine he sold, and when I asked if there was a website to learn more information, he said that if there were a website, “Well, it would just be pictures of us partying and shit. We just have a good time, hitting up every major city.” Then he started asking me questions, “Are you outgoing, like talking to people? This is real shit, a real good time.” My favorite part of the conversation was when he asked, “C’mon what are your responsibilities? You got kids, a boyfriend, you married?” Hmm… well I told Randy that I’d get back to him later. Wow.

Hmmph. Well, there’s a new grocery store opening up in Cedar Hill called Sprouts. It’s like a Whole Foods Market. So I have applied to be a Customer Service Manager at a Produce store. Yeah, I’m such a Bad A.

PS. God, I live at home with my parents without a car or job although I’m a really hard worker and hold a degree. This has been like a 4 month long joke. Can you really laugh that long? You probably can, but I can’t.